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We eventually left DC and moved to the SF Bay Area where I am originally from. She began agitating that I propose to her, but I didn’t want to spend money on a ring yet because I was pretty heavily in credit card debt at the time (still in debt but not nearly as bad). Then the ultimatums started. Propose to me by x date or I’m leaving you. My identity was completely entwined with her at this point because I hated myself. I stressed and stressed about this until I finally broke and started having anxiety attacks and delusions - most notably a delusion that I had to constantly check my shoes and skin for signs of needle punctures to make sure I didn’t contract HIV.

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